Whilst at Uni in Manchesterⁱ a group of us came up with some beer laws.   Like all good science, anyone could make a hypothesis and then everyone tried to find if it was true.   These seem to have stood the test of time;

1. Avoid pubs that end in an apostrophy s. 

Wetherspoons doesn't have an apostrophy s - bad grammar but reasonable pubs on the whole. Think of all the pubs with names like Flannagan's Sports Bar or O'Malley's - they're all rubbish. They serve John Smith's smoothflow and "extra cold" Guinnessⁱ.

2. Beer tastes better out of a brown bottle.

Brewers always put beer in a brown bottle, marketing people put it in a clear bottle. Brown bottles prevent light affecting the beer (known as light strike) & producing off-flavours (known as skunking). Green bottles are better than clear I suppose. As to bottled beer tasting better than tins of beer, brewers generally put they're premium product in bottles and they're cheaper brews in a tin. If like with like was presented in a pint glass you would be hard pushed to tell the difference unless the bottle was "bottle conditioned".

3. The more money spent advertisingⁱ a beer, the worse it is.

Think of all the national & international brands - the biggest advertisers. They all have one thing in common - they are very poor. If the beer was that good it would sell itself. How much advertising is spent on Budvar, Tim Taylor or Black Sheep? Bugger all and they are superior beers.

4. If there are six hand pulls on the bar and one has a hand written label on the pump, it will be a great beer.

Usually this is a trial from the brewery involved or the brewery spends zero on advertising (see beer law 3). Brewers aren't as complacent with their new brews and will have put extra effort into brewing & delivering it to the pub.

5. The bigger the food menu, the worse the beer.

If the menu runs to 6 or seven pages then you are in a restaurant, not a pub & the owners priorities will be on food. (This applies to food also, if the menu is huge it just means that they keep everything frozen & reheat it specially for you. After all, how big would the chef's fridge need to be to keep all that fresh food in & how much waste would be left at the end of the day?)

Think of all the best boozers - they all do simple food like sauasage & mash or just sandwiches.

 6. If the barman offers to serve you after hours, you must accept!

You are the lucky winner of a lock in! Woohoo! You have been considered to join a select club and if you decline you may never be asked again.   Extended licensing hours have mostly made this law redundant now.